Ewen Solon, Callum Mill and James Grant The Revenue Men was a 1960’s BBC series about the Scottish division of HM Customs and Excise’s Investigation Branch. It was made in the tradition of Forbidden Cargo (1954), based on fact but told in a style which captured the imagination of the public. As the publicity for the series explained, “the emphasis is new. This is a realistic series which does not find smuggling romantic, which presents the men of Customs and Excise as the guardians of purchase tax and exchange control regulations, as the collectors of vast sums in indirect taxation, as those who come to grips with the 'cheaters' of international finance, with the traffic in illegal drugs, with whisky hi-jackers, and with the routing of strategic cargoes to forbidden countries.” The series dealt with The Investigation Branch (IB) rather than uniformed waterguard at ports, harbours and airports or the Outdoor Branch checking on fuel and spirits tax. Publicity said, “ IB office

  Looking at how HM Customs and Excise was portrayed in the movies, the list is relatively small. I can only think of two. River Patrol. 1948. One of the earliest post-war Hammer Films, it was written by film editor James Corbett and directed by Ben R. Hart. Made at Marylebone Studios (appropriately, a deconsecrated church) it stars cheeky John Blythe as Robby Robinson, a Waterguard officer who sees one of his crew shot and murdered during an interception on the Thames. When the smugglers cruiser opens fire with a machine gun, Robinson retaliates with an automatic pistol! Not sure that 20th century Waterguard officers were ever officially entitled to bear arms, but maybe the pistol was a souvenir Robby brought back from the war. Unfortunately, the film veers into Harry Enfield territory in a statically directed scene where Robby returns to headquarters and turns off the wireless in the canteen to mourn his colleagues death. Hungry for revenge, Robby is teamed with Jean Nichols (Lorna

 Earlier this week, The Times revealed that plans for five cutters and six patrol vessels to replace the current Border Force fleet have been delayed until 2030 due to post-Brexit trading rules. After Britain left the EU in 2020, it signed up to World Trade Organisation rules which state that Government contracts must be open to international competition. Instead of excluding construction of civilian ships from the list, trade secretary Liz Truss replicated the EU’s terms of accession to the EU with the only exemption being warships. Truss is blaming her predecessor, the disgraced Sir Liam Fox.  The current cutters were built in the Netherlands, commissioned by HMCE in 2001, and transferred to UK Border Agency (as was) in 2005. Procurement of replacements has been repeatedly delayed since 2020. The fleet must now be redesigned to include military modifications, so that the vessels can be made in British shipyards. The use of cutters on Customs duties dates back to the 1600’s but the cu