Ewen Solon, Callum Mill and James Grant The Revenue Men was a 1960’s BBC series about the Scottish division of HM Customs and Excise’s Investigation Branch. It was made in the tradition of Forbidden Cargo (1954), based on fact but told in a style which captured the imagination of the public. As the publicity for the series explained, “the emphasis is new. This is a realistic series which does not find smuggling romantic, which presents the men of Customs and Excise as the guardians of purchase tax and exchange control regulations, as the collectors of vast sums in indirect taxation, as those who come to grips with the 'cheaters' of international finance, with the traffic in illegal drugs, with whisky hi-jackers, and with the routing of strategic cargoes to forbidden countries.” The series dealt with The Investigation Branch (IB) rather than uniformed waterguard at ports, harbours and airports or the Outdoor Branch checking on fuel and spirits tax. Publicity said, “ IB offic...

  Looking at how HM Customs and Excise was portrayed in the movies, the list is relatively small. I can only think of two. River Patrol. 1948. One of the earliest post-war Hammer Films, it was written by film editor James Corbett and directed by Ben R. Hart. Made at Marylebone Studios (appropriately, a deconsecrated church) it stars cheeky John Blythe as Robby Robinson, a Waterguard officer who sees one of his crew shot and murdered during an interception on the Thames. When the smugglers cruiser opens fire with a machine gun, Robinson retaliates with an automatic pistol! Not sure that 20th century Waterguard officers were ever officially entitled to bear arms, but maybe the pistol was a souvenir Robby brought back from the war. Unfortunately, the film veers into Harry Enfield territory in a statically directed scene where Robby returns to headquarters and turns off the wireless in the canteen to mourn his colleagues death. Hungry for revenge, Robby is teamed with Jean Nichols (Lo...

 Earlier this week, The Times revealed that plans for five cutters and six patrol vessels to replace the current Border Force fleet have been delayed until 2030 due to post-Brexit trading rules. After Britain left the EU in 2020, it signed up to World Trade Organisation rules which state that Government contracts must be open to international competition. Instead of excluding construction of civilian ships from the list, trade secretary Liz Truss replicated the EU’s terms of accession to the EU with the only exemption being warships. Truss is blaming her predecessor, the disgraced Sir Liam Fox.  The current cutters were built in the Netherlands, commissioned by HMCE in 2001, and transferred to UK Border Agency (as was) in 2005. Procurement of replacements has been repeatedly delayed since 2020. The fleet must now be redesigned to include military modifications, so that the vessels can be made in British shipyards. The use of cutters on Customs duties dates back to the 1600’s b...

 CONFESSIONS OF A VAT INSPECTOR by Dawn Fallon (ISBN 9 798445 671640) If the title makes you expect Liz Fraser and Robin Asquith having a clothing malfunction while arguing over tax points you’ll be disappointed. But Dawn Fallon’s CONFESSIONS OF A VAT INSPECTOR does give a lively account of what it was like to be a VAT Control Officer in HM Customs and Excise from 1986 to 1995.  While some of the detail of the pre-computer era may surprise a modern day HM Revenue and Customs VAT officer, they will probably feel a shock of recognition at most of Dawn’s experiences. She vividly captures the despair of sitting in a traders premises and realising that none of it matches what you were told in training. Another abiding truth is the pay. In May 2024 Jim Harra told the Public Accounts Committee that almost a third of HMRC staff had to be given a pay increase to ensure the department complied with the National Living Wage. Back in the 1980’s, Dawn is forced to take on extra work (as a ...

  April 2024 marks ten years since HM Revenue and Customs breathlessly introduced their “national conversation” called “Building our Future.” Unveiled by chief executive Linda Homer, the one-sided conversation outlined the future shape of HMRC. Government had set priorities to maximise tax revenue, improve services and reduce costs. “We are going to put customers at the heart of everything we do. That means redesigning our processes around them, rather than the taxes they pay or benefits they receive.” Digitisation would automate many processes, cutting the need for some roles. ”We will continue to reduce in size and become even more highly skilled, and we will further consolidate into a small number of very large workplaces or Regional Centres.” “We think it’s an exciting future, but we know it won’t be for everyone.” It was followed up in November 2014 by “Building our Future 2: Continuing the Conversation.”  This led off with some finger-wagging from Linda Homer. “We’ve pic...

Boris Johnson used to joke that he admired the Mayor in Jaws because – a few people may have been killed – but at least he kept the beaches open. But the Covid enquiry reminds us that he’s closer to Dracula. In the Bram Stoker’s novel., newly qualified solicitor Jonathan Harker is sent to Castle Dracula by his employer Peter Hawkins, who has been buying a London property on Dracula’s behalf. Hawkins claims in his letter of introduction that an attack of gout prevents him from travelling but Dracula is already aware of the substitution (“I bid you welcome, Mr Harker,” he says) and Harker already suspects that the muffled coach driver who brought him to the castle might have been Dracula in disguise. Hawkins’ letter ominously introduces Harker as “full of energy…very faithful.” In  a Westminster context Hawkins appears to be throwing Harker under the bus.  The unofficial silent film Nosferatu merges the characters of Hawkins and Renfield making it clear that Harker’s employer wa...

 I always thought that in Bram Stoker’s novel DRACULA, Jonathan Harker would have made a good excise officer. The way he follows the audit trail of Dracula's coffins from Whitby to Carfax and then out to Bermondsey and Piccadilly. Contents misdescribed as "common earth" when actually "undead-nurturing." What penalty would that attract? Just to lay out the facts; In the novel Dracula arrives on a Russian schooner, the Demeter, which is wrecked on the Whitby shore. The vessel has a small cargo of “wooden boxes filled with mould” which Dracula has consigned to a local solicitor called Billington.  Pre-Brexit, this would have been a simple EU excise move from Bulgaria to the UK, although it would now be a customs arrival from the EU. Either way, there’s a fair degree of misdescription in the papers. When Harker visits Billington’s office in Whitby he sees an invoice for, “fifty cases of common Earth to be used for experimental purposes.”  As we later learn, the eart...